My Sam is the bestest dog in the whole world. He is everything a dog should be: cute, smart, furry, housebroken, cuddly, non-shedding, and awesome in every way. He is perfectly behaved 99% of the time.
This story is about the other 1%.
We had just moved in to a new (to us) house and met our delightful next-door neighbors, their lovely daughters, and their chickens. Upon being introduced to Mr. Cheeps, we had the following thoughts:
No. 1: Um...
No. 2: &%$#@! (See "The Happiest Place on Earth" post)
No. 3: Cool!
Husband: Er...
Me: Ew.
Sam: Yum!
At this time, we had just started letting the girls be home alone for short periods of time with No. 1 in charge. Every time before we left, we delivered the same lecture: Keep the doors shut and locked, stay inside, don't let Sam out no matter what. One fateful day, I ran to the store. I was literally gone for 12 minutes and came home to find the front door open, the back door open, both gates unlatched, and pieces of Mr. Cheeps all over the front lawn. I found my sweet Sam in the back yard, blissfully happy, covered in chicken blood.
I snapped in to angry mother mode. I gathered the girls together, supplied them with latex gloves, and told them to clean up the mess. After much whining, crying, and dry heaving the evidence of the massacre had been cleaned up, conveniently at the same time Mr. B arrived home. We walked next door and I made the girls tell him that Sam had done Mr. Cheeps in.
No. 2: We're sorry we let Sam out and he ate Mr. Cheeps.
No 1: (Sobbing)
Mr. B: Well, thank you for telling me.
No. 3, ever tactful: There was blood spurting out of his neck.
Mr. B: I didn't need to know that...
No. 1: (Sobbing)
Mr. B: Don't worry about it, I never liked him anyway. Mrs. B and the girls will get over it. Did you at least give him a proper burial?
Me, lying through my teeth: Of course!
What was left of Mr. Cheeps was in my trash can.
That evening at 11:00, Husband and I went out and dug a grave for a chicken in our back yard, without the benefit of a flashlight, so the neighbors wouldn't find out what a liar I was.
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